The Social Outcast

My good friend Dark Slander brought up a very interesting point that I think I didn’t give enough attention in my last post about expectations. You can read the last post here.

His comment was this:

“Life seems to have a way making one resistant to hardship, or maybe it is the experience. Unfortunately this tends to be unavoidable. The main idea is to do this without becoming too pessimistic.

I was raised in an odd way, with my family teaching me not to depend on anyone but myself and to keep my expectations from others so low that I would never fall prey to disappointment. Seeing how this is rather on the extreme side of anti-social behavior, I wouldn’t recommend this.

The reality is I still do this, but I do realize there are people one can trust in life. Maybe not with every tiny detail but enough that you won’t be set back by huge disappointments. It doesn’t have to be family, friends and other loved ones seem to do the trick just as well.

My advice would be to not miss out on some amazing connections because of a history of set back, but be weary who you allow to connect. Trust like that should be earned over time.”

In my last post, I talked about not expecting too much from others, so that you are not set up for disappointment, but instead are pleasantly surprised when and if someone follows through with a promise. I failed to mention that balance is needed between the two methods of dealing with expectations. If one expects too much, then they are more likely to be hurt by disappointment, but if one expects too little, then they can become pessimistic, and emotionless. It is important to find a level area to stand between the two. While perhaps being saddened by a lack of follow-through by someone they care about, they should not be devastated. Being upset is not a bad thing, it is a natural emotion that should not be shuttered. The thing I am talking about preventing is being so upset by something that you emotionally shut down for quite some time after. For instance, in the story about my birthday, I was upset for weeks after, and shut down, emotionally.

I hope this helps explain a bit more about what I mean, and please let me know if you think i’ve missed something, or have not explained this well enough. Thank you to Dark Slander for bringing this up. Discussions on this blog are fully encouraged, because I am certainly no expert. I am just sharing my views, the way I see them, so if you feel that I am wrong, please speak up.